31 Dec 2011

It's the last day / evening of 2011.  A new year is about to begin.  My last post of this year.

I'm at home - not out and about to watch fireworks and celebrate the new year.  I'm with family and that's where I think that I need to be.  At least I know that I'm safe and sound.  I'm not out drinking - or in a car where there are people out and about that are drinking and driving. 

Looking back over the last year, there have been a lot of ups and downs.  Lots of pain, heartache and frustration in so many ways and yet - there were some of the most wonderful things that happened in my life.   Friends that I got to meet in person for the first time and even the second time.  New friends touching my life and getting a chance to touch them as well. 

We still have about 30 minutes left in the year of 2011... and in those 30 minutes I'm not going to make new years resolutions.  I have tried to do resolutions in the past and either something has happened and I wasn't able to keep up the resolution or I simply forgot about them.

So, instead of making resolutions - I'm just going to live life and enjoy it.  Enjoy my friends and family and pray and hope that all my friends and family are safe and happy. That's all that I can hope for anyway.  I'm not too worried about myself - I know that the people that I mingle with (co-workers and friends) will help me to keep my stress level down, my doctor(s) will help me with my back in one way or another, my family will keep me insane, school will keep me insane, and audio will help to relax me as usual. 

I am thankful for this year.... for my job.... for my friends.... for my family.... for everything.

May the year of 2012 be something that will bring more joy, more happiness, more healthiness, and less pain. 

~MJ 

11 December

It seems to me that no matter what I do I can't make it stop, so I might as well just deal with it take my medicine I should and just deal with the pain as best as I can.

I don't understand why the pain has moved.  All I know is that it has moved to the cyactic nerve in my butt.  It is super sensitive and even something laying on it or near it is just maddening.  Very frustrating.

Oh well.

04 December

I'm thinking about doing something that may mean for me to go back to school and I'm not sure if that's really what I want to do.  I "complain" about going to these specific meetings because I know that it takes me out of the classroom (away from my kids and teaching) and I'm thinking about applying for a job that will take me completely out of the classroom and into those meetings to do them consistantly.  It's more of a paper job, but I wouldn't be totally away from the kids.  I would be there for the kids making sure that their accommodations and modifications were taken care of.  I don't know if I should of shouldn't do it. 

I'm thinking about it.  I'm not sure.  I know that I would miss being in the class, but the thing is that I'm not totally prepared for this job.  I don't have the certification that is needed.  That doesn't mean that I can't go back to school and get it while doing the position.  It just means that I would have to go back to school - take classes to become - I could become a principal.  It would mean a pay increase, but I'm still debating with myself. 

I guess that the only thing that's honestly stopping me from doing it is the mid-management certification.  I'm going to talk with my principal soon... to see if he's even willing to think about it.

Hmmm.

27 Nov - Seasons

Seasons... I get it.  I do, however, this constant move to get more and more money from the consumer is just getting to be a bit overwhelming.  I do understand the true reason for the Christmas season and it has nothing to do with buying more and more things for people who have so much more than some will ever get in a long long time.  

Christ is the reason that we celebrate.  He was born during this time period (or at least we like to think so.)  I've seen so many things about buy this - buy that - get your loved one this or that.  I guess that I'm just tired of seeing and hearing more and more about how to celebrate this season through various television ads that it's more than frustrating.

Regardless of whatever religion you belong to; regardless of your faith; why can't we just celebrate the our Savior's birth and enjoy being together to celebrate it? 

That's all... 

~MJ

25 Nov - Thanksgiving

I have found that I have a lot of things to give thanks for - more than the norm of family, friends and health.  True, my health is fleeting and my back is giving me all kinds of new hell from the Radio Frequency - but I am thankful for everything that God hath given unto me. 


Wealth and prosperity - it's all something of a state of being...


~MJ

23 Nov - Radio Frequency

I have had so much stuff happen within the last couple of months - and between school, audio, and family life, I have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to get to my blog for awhile.  I'm going to do my best to get back on track with blogging as well as with losing weight. 


Let me just go ahead and update on my back and Radio Frequency.   I'll just go ahead and give some really good background on this for those who would like to know more about what's going on with me at the moment.

Facet joints are the small joints located in pairs on the back of the spine that promote stability to the spine and allow the spine to move and be flexible.  Depending on where the problematic facet joints are located, they can cause pain in the mid-back, ribs, chest, lower back, abdomen, buttocks, groin, legs, neck, shoulders, and even headaches.

(And where my pain is located is:  mid-back, lower back, and hip/buttocks.)

Facet joint injections or steroid medications are often given to patients with this type of pain. The injections not only provide pain relief, but they can also help the physican pinpoint exactly where the pain originates and can confirm or reject the facet joints as the source of the pain.  For many patients, facet joint injections provide adequate relief.  For others, however, the pain relief is too short-lived.  For these patients, facet radiofrequency ablation (RFA) may be the answer.

(I have had several rounds with the facet joint injections.  They did help some, but not enough to really help out in the long run.  The padding in between my discs is degenerating and the bone spur on one of the facets [about hip height] was not really helping in anyway.)

What is Radiofrequency Ablation? 

The goal is to provide pain relief by "shutting off" the pain signals that the joints send to the brain.  The pain relief experience by most patients who have this procedure lasts months or even years.

How is RFA done?

Patients who are candidates for RFA typically have undergone several facet joint injections to verify the source and exact location of their pain.  Using a local anesthetic and x-ray quidance, a needle with an electrode at the tip is placed alongisde the small nerves to the facet joint.  The electrode is then heated, with a technology called radiofrequency, to deaden these nerves that carry pain signals to the brain.

What the paper work didn't tell is how before they send the frequency to "burn" the nerve endings, they send a pulse to your nerves that are connected to that facet.  The pulse makes all the nerves clench.  The reason for this is so that the doctor can ask the patient if they feel any of that pulse in their legs.  The reason for this is that if the needle is too close to the main spinal cord, that they could deaden those nerves leading down into the leg and damange them permanently.  This could lead to a really bad situation - some kind of paralysis.

This is the second time that I've had Radio Frequency Ablation done.  The first time was in January of 2011.  It worked well.  I was virtually pain free - when I wasn't stressed out. 

They did say that the nerves would regenerate and grow back in place and I do think that this is what caused the pain to return now.  They also worked on the lower back then - not where the bone spur was located.  This time, Dr. Marsh went higher to get where the bone spur is aggravating the muscles around it. 

Needless to say, the procedure was a little rocky at first.  When they say that the numbing agent is going to burn... let me just go ahead and say - yes, it will burn.  Also, when you haven't had your medicine ahead of time, yes, it's even worse.  Regardless of that, once the numbing agent (all 12 shots) were in done, it was a little bit better. 

I can already tell that the procedure is working.  I'm just in pain and or sore at the moment as I recline on the bed watching television.  Here's to hoping that I get more relief from this procedure.

~MJ

12 Sept - Irritating

It's really frustrating that things change when you aren't expecting it. 

We were told about some training last month that would be on the 14th and 15th of this month.

The training was changed to today and tomorrow.  Was I prepared?  Noooooo.  So, I had to run around and get things done.  Then go to the training. 

Sighs.  Why does it have tobe so complicated?

05 Sept - Frustrations

I could probably sum it all up in one word: school.  I didn't even have school today.

It's Labor Day and I worked on some school stuff.  Did not get it all done, but it's totally irritating that I can't seem to get caught up. 

The school wants us to do so much. It's a thankless job and even when I am caught up, it doesn't seem like the kids really care.

Grading.  Lesson Plans.  IEPs for the Special Ed students ARDs.  Calling parents.  Successmaker.  Keeping kids on task.  Following the Scope and Sequence.  Answering questions through Epilson.  Going to PLC and staying connected with other teachers.  Then on top of it all -  actually teaching.

Augh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Englandish

It may not be a very formal word, but it will work in a pinch. 

I've had the absolute pleasure of being in the midst of brilliant, handsome, entertaining, loving, and wonderful Englishmen.  Not only did they visit me, but they also visited my classroom and played a valuable part in my students learning more about England and audio drama.  How cool is that?

What was odd about the whole classroom experience, was that right in the midst of the day, I found myself having de ja vu.  I had most definitely done it before and had the same people in the classroom.  It was wild.  When that happens, I can't help but think that it is God telling me that I'm on the right track with my life. 

All I know for sure is that I surely do miss David and Patrick.  I really do appreciate everything they did for me and hope that I could help them relax even a little bit while they were in Texas.

Changes

Change.  It's not fair that some things don't stay the same.  It can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing, but at the moment, change is something that I don't like.

Stress levels change from day to day.  You may be stressed only slightly and then the next, you don't know if you can breathe, for fear of going under the weight.  It makes it very difficult to cope with day to day life. 

This year has been so full of change and emotion.  My friend, Donna dying; having school throw me so many curves with having all four english classes at the same time; my back / hip giving me issues to make me take medicine that makes me sleepy and lethargic while at work; not knowing if I was going to be rehired for the ensuing year after the budge crunches and cuts by the district and state; Meghan graduating from high school; the boys in their freshman year getting used to the constant day to day of high school; Meghan leaving home in the middle of the night with a bag - leaving a note that said that she could not stay at home with us anymore - and then the constant work that needs to be done not only for school but for my audio as well; and lets not leave out that my husband is now having to travel to two different cities to work in two different stores now that our business has expanded into two locations. 

Audo wise:  I have worked on Father Brown, The Prince and the Pauper, Treasure Island, and more Father Brown then soon AESOP.  I am also helping out with Green Lantern with Misfits Audio. 

Tired.  Yes, I believe that tired is the word.  Tired of change.  I need the world to slow down not so that I can get off, but so that I can catch up and at least try to relax.  That's not too much to ask for - is it? 

Ah well, it will slowly get better.  No use to really complain.  It is what it is and I know that the Lord will not put on me more than I can handle.  It just sometimes seems like it's sometimes more difficult than other times.

I guess that this lyric goes so well with me right now:

"Jesus, take the wheel, take it from my hands, 'cause I can't do this on my own.  I'm letting go, so give me one more chance to save me from this road I'm on... Jesus, take the wheel."

~mj

Mar 18-19 - Cookoff

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  I guess that it has a lot to do with stress and anxiety.  You see, I think that I've had my share.  It's nothing like the issues that are going on in Japan with the tsunami and the earthquakes or like what is going on in Libya with Gaddafi.  No, it's my own personal little hell that is really nonsequential in the scheme of things.

So, here it goes for those of you that read my little mindless thoughts and utterances.

My school district, Killeen ISD, is letting go of 154 teachers and administrators.  (That's 128 teachers and 26 administrative and support staff.)  The teachers don't know if they are being let go until the end of March.  Not knowing if you are going to have a job or not is more than stressing.  I know approximately how much we need to have and I know that if it came right down to it, I would be flipping burgers at McDonalds and hold down as many jobs as I needed to to help make ends meet.

The kids way school aren't helping any.  They are being just as obnoxious as ever.  They think that now that the English Language Arts State Test is over that school is over.  I hate to tell them that school isn't over until June 4th. It still sucks that I have all 4 English classes in the same class period.  Seniors and freshman really don't belong in the same room.  Whoever thought of that was really off their ever loving rocker.  I mean really.

I'm also doing audio with 2 groups.  I'm working still with Colonial Radio Theatre and I'm helping Misfits Audio with their Green Lantern series.  I'm under a very right schedule with CRT to get various things done.  Not only am I producing audio with them, I am also doing the Colonial Radio Theatre website.  Now, I'm not doing the graphics which are outstanding.  I'm mainly putting in the content and making sure that it reads right.
Ooooo
As far as Colonial is concerned, I'm working on two things at the moment:  Father Brown and Treasure Island.  Treasure Island is a remix of something another producer that did and Jerry didn't want to have his name on it anymore.  So I was asked to do it.  I really don't mind, because I love to produce audio and make wonderful things come to life.  I was told that after Treasure Island that I would get to produce Robin Hood!  Now, that is going to be FUN!

Father Brown has been number one on Colonial's best sellers list for the past two months since it was released!  I can't believe that!  It's amazing to me that people are really that interested in Father Brown!  It's exciting!

I am currently on Spring Break!  I'm away from the school kids and have had some quality time with my family where I wanted to strangle them, but isn't that what family is for?  We are currently at a cookoff with about 20 other groups.  We have the normal things that we are cooking:  beans, brisquet, ribs, and chicken.  But this time there was a competion of drinks:  Margaritas, Bloody Marys, and Irish Coffee.  We didn't do the Irish coffee.  There is only so many ways to make them-you know?  I think that we did a wonderful job with the margaritas!  You couldn't taste the alcohol in them, but you could tell you had one when you were done with your drink! 

I'm up late because even though I'm tired, I'm not yet sleepy.  Perhaps when I finish this I will try to get a few. 

I will say this though... I'm not treat to go back to school on Monday.  I think that I need time to rest from my vacation.  I think that another week will suffice. 

I also can't believe that I'll be 40 on Thursday.  I feel really old.  My kids are growing up around me - Meghan is 18 and the twins (Michael and Mason) are 15!  Where did the time go?  I love them so much.  I just hope that they have an inklingof how much I care about them!

I guess I should close this for now.  Have to get up early to help make those Bloody Marys! 

Whoever does read this:  May your day be blessed with the love from above, your hope be fulfilled, and that you have a most wonderful and grand day filled with the things that make you happy and joyful.

~MJ

Jan 11 - Hurt?

We've had too many issues in the news. 

People shooting each other for no reason whatsoever, and stabbings.  What is going on with that?  I don't understand.  I mean, how can people have so little disregard for life.

There's the issue with Sarah Palin.  Then there's something that happened this morning in College Station about a man going into a restaurant and stabbing a young girl then leaving.  What's going on?

If one is going to do something and you are mad or aggravated or whatever, why not take your aggravation out on a pillow?  Why hurt someone else? 

I just don't understand and it's bothering me that I don't get it.  It's like things are going to hell in a handbasket and I'm just along for the ride.  I don't like that.

Jan 9 - Stock Show

I took off from work today to see my sons in the Burnet FFA Stock Show.  This year, we decided to go with an easier critter than last year.  We went from goats to rabbits.  They are pretty cute. :)

Michael and Mason did fairlywell in placing too.  Mason placed 4th and Michael placed 9th.  It was really nice to see the boys do so well on their rabbits. :)

I'm proud of them both.

Jan 8 - School

I've had about enough of school.  The kids are driving me nutty and the admin along withall the crap that they want us to do is only ticking me off more.  There is literally piles that the want us o do and it's just frustrating.

I'm tired of all the mess.  I really am.  I guess that I'm just ready for some actual - oh I don't know, concensus with the kids and our situation.  It really isn't fair that we ar all  thrown in together in one classroom at the same time.  It's not right and it's definitely not fair.

And next year, it's just going to get more interesting with EOC (End of Course) Exams. 

*Sighs*

Jan 7 -- PT

Another session of PT and I think that Emily is trying to kill me.  Honestly.  Geez.

I know that I need to exercise to help my back, but come on!  It just seems a bit ridiculous.  All of this work on a ball does seem odd. 

But - I guess it's working.  I can feel the burn that's got to be something right?  Right.

Jan 1 - New Year

          It's a new year and I'm going to go on a changing spree.  I'm going to be doing a lot of things differently and I hope that it helps out in the long run.  It's going to be somewhat a New Year's Resolution list, and I'm going to do my level best to make them all work.
          Here are just a few of things that I'm going to do this year and with some hard work and determination and prayer that I'll be able to do them all. 

1. Get even a closer relationship with God.
2. Not speak harshly to my family and friends.
3. Keep in touch more with friends and let them know how much I care about them.
4. Exercise daily in some way to help build my core (to help the back)
5. Eat better so that I can lose weight and keep it off.
6. At least write a paragraph a day to see if I can write a complete story to get published (this one might be a stretch, but I might as well try, shouldn't I?)

These aren't very many but I believe that if I can do the first three, that the last three will take care of themselves. 

~MJ