December 15, 2008

I must be old now.  Old old old.  Meghan, my little girl, my little baby, is now 16 years old.  Sixteen!  Oh where has all the time gone?  

Wow.  Sixteen.  Beautiful.  She's beautiful.  I'm so proud of her!  She's a wonderful girl and she's talented to boot.  Meghan can play the bassoon and the clarinet.  She has a wonderful personality and also has wonderful friends!  They proved how sweet and grand they were the other night with her at her slumber party.  

I just can't help but think about how impressed I am with my daughter. 

I'm just lucky to have such a wonderful child.  It's most definitely a blessing.

~MJ

Perfection never exists in reality...

"Perfection never exists in reality, but only in our dreams." -- Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs

As a society, we are constantly told in several ways how we are to be perfect: the perfect weight, the perfect height, the perfect whatever the case might be. We are always wanting to be on the other side of the fence. The straight haired girls want curly hair. The blonde's want to be true brunettes... or vise versa.

I've heard that in our dreams, we see ourselves as we want to be - the thin, drop dead gorgeous person, who turns all the guys heads, the one who has all the friends, the one who people just love to be around and with; the one who doesn't have any problems.

Perfection.

We constantly look for it and we constantly want it... and the diet industry is making a fortune off of us. It's so annoying... frustrating and just plain depressing.

As one who has been fighting for years with my weight to get down to what society wants me to be - I think that I would look a bit sick if I got down to that weight again. The chart that I looked at says that a woman who is six foot tall should way at one hundred and sixty (160) pounds.

I'd love to be that weight...

I'd love to be able to have that body that I can wear a bikini.



It's not that I don't want to lose the weight. I do. It has to do with the fact that I can't get away from snacking foods. I know that when I was on the Atkin's Diet (no carbs) I lost weight - and then as soon as I got past that first two weeks (the Induction Phase) you can slowly start adding the carbs back in. It's doing that and sticking to not eating any bread, any carbohydrates which is the issue. You start to crave the bread.

I've tried other diets, too. It doesn't matter how many I've tried, it doesn't matter anymore. I just know that I need to lose the weight that I've gained back again.

My husband had Gastric Sleeve surgery done in January of 2008. He had an issue with loving food and it didn't help that when I got pregnant with our children that I had the baby / babies and he kept gaining. This surgery took 80 % of his stomach away - especially the lower half which contains the "empty feeling" that makes you want to eat. He's now lost over 190 pounds since January.

Since January, I've lost ten pounds and now have gained the same ten back. It's frustrating. It's aggravating. It's depressing. So, either I can bite the bullet and just diet and exercise until I drop, or I can just say screw it and just continue to gain weight.

I guess that I just needed to get this out of my system. I'm not looking for: "Oh, MJ, you're not fat," or "MJ, don't think that way," or even any kind of comment from anyone who reads this blog.

~MJ

Working on audio...

I am going to get this done today. I am. I am. It's going to be my mantra until it's done. Especially since I have to redo it again. Again.

MJ

Last day of this week...

It's the last day of the week - this week.  Yes, Tuesday is the last work day of this week.  Getting a nice little break from the kids is what we need (teachers especially).  It helps to keep what little sanity we have left.  

I'm dealing with allergies galore...

Bleck.  

Didn't do much of anything last night except just rest - even went to bed early.  Oh well.... it doesn't help when you have to get onto your teenage daughter at midnight.  *sighs*

MJ

Frustration...

I'm beyond frustrated. I don't know why I'm getting a "sound" that someone can hear and I cannot hear. It's frustrating because I'm doing the best that I can; trying to get something out as fast as I can because it's needed like two weeks ago... and yet...

I'm about to give up. Seriously.

MJ

To make up for it...

I don't always get a chance to get on here and write something that is going on, because things are so hectic between work and home and audio.

I am trying to find a balance and yet, it's not working as well as I hoped that it would.  So... I'm dealing with it the best way that I can.  I'm coping.  

The school world is a bit hectic.  Teaching or at least co-teaching at least 4 different English classes is a bit stressing and trying to remember where you are when and where and being at meetings that they keep scheduling for, I'm just totally exhausted when I get home.  Then, there's the family.  They keep me busy by you know, wanting food.  Oh my goodness, like they can't cook.  Right.  Anyhoo, they require my presence.  Then, there's the extra stuff that I'm trying to work on for Christmas and trying to get that done.  I think that I only have time to finish one project, so... I'm just going to do the best that I can on that end.  And of course, but not the least the audios.  I have a lot on my plate, but I'm going to get it done.  I'm going to work on Tales tonight and then move back to JatP for Colonial and then to Quantum Retribution.  I know that it's been awhile since we had one out and I'm sorry for that, but I'm going to get them out.  I promise. 

Well... it looks as if I'm going to be going in a few.  Posting from work.  So... it's going to be interesting to see if I can get anything else done today. 

Hugs to any and all who read this.  I'm just writing to get it out of my system.

MJ

Oh!  We are getting a new dog today.  Her name will be Stormy.  She's a black lab and I'm sure that as soon as I see her that I'll fall in love with her.  I'm such a soft person... starting to suck.

Saturday November 15, 2008

Hmm... *blinks* Again... hmm.

This past week... very interesting. I've been going on about my new schedule and actually, it's pretty okay. I'm getting used to it. What's really kinda neat about it, is that I'm getting to help teach 5 classes... English 4, English 3, 2 English 2 classes and one English 1 class. I get to go down the row. Being able to go through that and to utilize all kinds of different teaching varieties and styles... it's just... amazing and fun. For example, on Friday, Mr. Myers (the senior English teacher) had told his classes that he had made a rap of the prologue of The Canterbury Tales. I thought that he was full of it... but he whipped out his guitar, plugged it in, had it plugged in with a synthizer - and started rapping in class. Pretty cool. Mr. Justice - he's a funny man anyway - has too much fun just trying to get things across to the kids. The look on his face sometimes is just priceless. Ms. Witt... I don't know how many times I've heard her say already, "Soinso... you're killing me!" instead of really telling them, you know, "Quit doing that sh**!" I'm learning bits and pieces everywhere, but so far, it's fun. Kids seem to be willing to accept me. And what really made my day the other day was when I had to go off to an meeting for a special education student called an ARD, I told Mr. Justice that I was going to go and one of the students said, "But... we need you!" That... just really made my day. I mean, I was only in there ONE day... and this particular kid said that. I really did appreciate it.

Enough school.

I know what I did. I slightly fell down the stairs and jarred my back. Again. Sucks, really. (This was back on Tuesday.) I don't know if I put it in the blog or not. ANYWAY, I did... and I'm still trying to recover from that. Thankfully, I didn't have to go outside and do a lot of yard work with the rest of the family. They are leveling out the backyard that our dog, Rune, had so nicely destroyed before he passed away.

I'm trying to relax by taking very little meds and drinking beer to relax the body instead of depending on soma. At least with beer (or any other kind of alcohol) I know how much I can stand. With that soma, I can take too much with the pain that I'm in and then... kaput. No... no... that just won't do. I will not go kaput. So there. :P

I've made a fudge chocolate cake for desert this evening. A friend of ours birthday is today and we are cooking a mess of deer and pork backstrap and enjoying the evening with him. What we are going to do... I don't know. I just know that I'm going to be going in the kitchen in just a bit to frost that thing with fudge chocolate icing. Yumola. *smiles* I can't wait for desert!

I've already started mixing on Episode 21 of Jerry and the Pirates for Colonial Radio Theatre: On The Air. It looks like it's going to be a pretty straight foward mix. Not too much stuff to do in that one. So... I'll get started on that probably tomorrow 0r even this evening if I get a chance to work on it.

I do have the lines for the next Tales From The Museum. So... I can work on that as well. I also have lines for Quantum Retribution, so I can begin on that as well. I'm going to have so much fun with these. I just have to set aside some time to get them done. We've gone a few months now without a Quantum Retribution or even a Tales From the Museum audio... but I think that my co-horts understand that family, work and CRT comes a bit more before them. At least CRT pays me for my time spent on working on audios. So far, that means that I will have my name on at least 3 of the JatP audios. Episode 15, 19 and 21. Possibly, I'll have it on 23 and 24. Who knows. It doesn't really matter to me. I'm just trying to get these out for Jerry as quickly as possible because he's needing them like last week.

This Thanksgiving, we are going to Alvin, Texas. It's near Houston. We are going to be at Johanna's (my cousin) for the holidays. I can't wait to go down there and see her. I've not seen her since this summer. She's such a sweet little thing. :)

Time for me to go frost a cake and go upstairs and shower and whatnot before everyone starts showing up. Perhaps, I can get some kind of miracle to happen and forget about my back hurting? We'll see.

Until later.

Tuesday, November 11th

I spend the majority of the day working on Jerry and the Pirates. I didn't want to do much of anything else. I have worked hard on it and found out that I need to go ahead and probably redo the whole thing.

I'll see what Jerry thinks of the final and then if I need to redo it... I will.



However, I did speak with someone today that made me smile and laugh today. *smiles* That was more than pleasant.

Monday November 10th

I'm beginning to think that the school is out to do me in. I wrote the other day about the teachers that they made leave to other high schools in Killeen, right? (If you don't know what I'm talking about refer to Friday, November 7th post.)

So... here's my day:

First rattle out of the box, I took my computer to the technicians so that it could be reimaged. The thing was acting completely up and they asked me if it was okay to put on just Mac. They know that I'm not a Mac person - I'm more Windows based, but I said - sure. Go ahead. I wasn't really pleased with that, but oh well. I'll get used to it. At least now my work computer has about 80 gig of space.

Yeah... well, I reported to my first period class today in English 4 with Mr. Myers. I think that it would have really been an excellent class if he'd been there. Yes, you read that right. He was there, but only for a little bit to set the substitute right before he left for the day. He had a molar that had cracked and had a dentist appointment. Unfortunately, I know exactly how he feels because one of mine broke a little over a year ago. Painful. Anyhoo.... there's a substitute there and I'm trying to explain who I am and why I'm taking over for Mrs. Gibson (the inclusion teacher that was there before). So, I just took over the class. They were going over Chaucer. CHAUCER! Oh my goodness. I haven't read Chaucer in like 20 years! So... they were making a character bio/log of the Friar. So, we did that and helped them out with that. We went through it step by step. All in all, not too bad of a class, except the only problem was that too many of them laid their heads down and decided not to do jack-crap.

2nd period: Is my PLC (Professional Learning Community) period. Basically, all the English teachers get together and plan or learn new things or whatever. I was talking with a fellow teacher (Mr. Finnen) he's the one that I teach 3rd and 6th with and he somewhat gave me an idea of what he had heard that was going to happen. I prayed that it wouldn't, because for the most part, it was a bad bad BAD thing. Dang, it... if he wasn't right.

3rd period: Mr. Finnen and I go ahead and teach to the kids... new vocab. words and whatnot and talk to them about their tests from last week... etc. Normal stuff. Nothing big.

Lunch - wasn't enough food, but I ate anyway and drank all my tea. (I was hungry for the rest of the day)

4th and 5th period: Ms. Michel and I taught together - as usual. We had decent classes today. We had them busy all period. (Thank goodness).

6th period: went back to Mr Finnen's class (on the other side of the school) and continued with our day as usual.

7th period: I was asked earlier in the day to go see Mrs. Key and see what she had found out about my schedule. She said that she'd know what was going to happen by my conference period. So... first, I went to go get my computer from the techs. They said that it would be done around an hour after I turned it in, but I didn't want to press the issue or rush them, so I just dealt without a computer all day. Then I went to talk to Mrs. Key. My boss, Mr. Sibberson was there and it was an interesting discussion. Basically, this is what was decided:

I'll lay out the schedule here:

1st period - Mr. Myers. (12th grade English)
2nd period - PLC
3rd period - Mr. Finnen (9th grade English) and Ms. Witt (11th grade English) - I'll explain.
Lunch
4th period - Ms. Michel (10th grade English)
5th period - Ms. Michel (10th grade English) and Mr. Justice (11th grade English)
6th period - Mr. Finne (9th grade English)
7th period - Conference

Okay. Now... this is what I was told: There will be an aide that somewhat follows the same schedule as I do. However, during 3rd period and 6th period, we will be switching out -- yes.... like every other day, we'd go back and forth. It could be every other day... it could be that period - we each have half. It could mean every other week. Interesting huh?

But the really neat thing is how our school is set up. It's a BIG school. On the classes that we are supposed to switch out - oh... those are like MAJORLY across the school. It's not like a cute little jaunt down a couple of doors and you're there. Oh no... these are across the freaking school.

Oh... and did you notice. I went from 2 classes - English 1 and English 2 - to having all the English classes - 9th through 12th. Yeah!

It's not the school's fault - it's the administration that have caused this issue (the ones that aren't at the school - like the superintendent (yeah... the guy that's leaving in January that's screwing with our school and making it difficult to do a good job).

I'm stressed. Very stressed. Tis why I have a beer sitting beside me at the moment.

~MJ

Sunday, November 9th

I did too much yesterday. I decided to clean the house like in spring cleaning and now my back is yelling at me for doing so. I mean, I moved furniture and vaccumed, swept, mopped, dusted, etc. The house (save for upstairs) were my room and bathroom is - is clean. I'm exhausted. But, my house is clean.

Last night, my mother in law (Joy) took the boys and I out to eat. The rest of the family were out doing their duty and hunting for deer out at the lease that his job has. They reported last night - all four of them (Mike, Matt, Meghan and Robert) shot a deer and are in good spirits. They said that Meghan has shot so many times that they are out of bullets for the smaller guns. That's my daughter. The huntress. *giggles*

I need to start working on Jerry and the Pirates. So, I'll be back later to post more as the day progresses.

~MJ

Friday, November 7th

What a flippin' day. School is just going to stress me completely out. I know it. I found out about this the other day, but I spent the night last night grading papers all evening and didn't get a chance to post, so... it's all going to be here.

We found out yesterday that we are losing two inclusion teachers to another school because the administration of the school district says that we have too many teachers for our special education department. They have to report to their new schools on Monday. That's not the kicker though. The kicker is that the inclusion teachers were taken from the English Department. It now means that *I* am the ONLY Inclusion teacher for the whole English department. This is not good. You see. We have special education students in all grades from 9 - 12.

I knew that this was going to affect me, so I decided that I was going to be proactive and go in this morning and send an email to the two people who do the scheduling at KHS. The email that I sent basically said the following:

"I went to all the teachers who had the two inclusion teachers that we are losing and have decided to be pro-active and see where I was needed the most. I can either do one of two things:
1) I can help Mr. Myers out 1st period - he has 12 inclusion students and needs the help dearly. However, a new content mastery teacher will need to be found for first period and I can also go into Mr. Wilson's class 7th period and help out there as well. He has 7 inclusion students and it would help him out as well. I'm willing to lose my conference period to go into an overload status. I would hate to have the kids schedule be changed.
or
2) If you feel it better to pull the students out of the inclusion class and put them in a class where I'm teaching them - I could be my own inclusion teacher with my certification - or be a resource teacher. Whichever. I just hate changing the kids up when they have their own schedule set so far in the year.

I'm just want to do what's best for the kids."

So... I talked with both of the people that my email went to. One said that I was the best and would look into what might happen. My boss told me that he was leaning more toward moving the kids into my control. But things haven't been settled yet. So, Key has told me she wants me to be in Eric's room starting on Monday to at least help out. It might all change, but at least he's getting the help that he needs until things change.

So... yeah, I'm stressed. I don't even know if I'll have the same classes as I do now.

I think that I'm just going to try to do the right thing and go where God wants me to go and do what He wants me to do. It's quite simple to just follow... and do what I need to do. So... I guess that's what I'll do.

I *knew* that they were going to mess with me as soon as this happened. So, I guess being proactive and initiating the conversation about it makes it look a little less of them telling me what I'm going to do and more of what I want to do.

I need a drink. Strong. Water ain't cutting it.

~MJ

Wednesday Nov. 5

It's been an interesting day so far (and it's just the morning) hearing how my fellow teachers are a bit upset over Obama becoming president of the United States. I mainly just listened and tried to keep my mouth shut. One of the most interesting things that came out of it all was when my next door teacher (a government teacher) put it in this light. He's a republican, btw. - but he said, "It doesn't bother me that Obama is the president. I really don't care. He's a symbol. All he does is sign documents into law and he can't do anything without the governments approval." He's more worried about the senate and the house of representatives. I understand his thought process there.

Moving on...

The kids here are more than rowdy today and it's really upsetting. I still have a flippin' headache at 10:00 AM and it's getting really old. Seriously old.

So, I turned to my bible to read a few words. it's amazing how when you need something from God, He delivers it to you in a wonderful, non-pushy way. I've been scared of something that I really cannot change. I can only deal with it the best that I can. Back to the bible though, I opened it up to have a small devotional and it led me to Proverbs 23: 6 - 9. There are deceivers and liars around these days and God gave us a brain and a conscious to be able to guard ourselves from the evil around us. Thankfully, the One who knows our hears will keep us safe through life's trials and difficulties. AMEN. He also sends us friends who are more than capable to help us through those tough times to give us strength. I'm so thankful for my friends and their strength.

I will continue to jot things down throughout the day to help me get through today because I know that only God can help me to cope with all the things going on within my life: the headaches, the patience that I need to teach, the will to keep going when I want to quit and to be strong in my convictions no matter what they are.

Oh good grief. 3rd period ticked me off. Unfortunately, that led to me setting up a new seating chart because they decided that they should sit beside their friends again today and I was tired of the noise. (I wonder why.) I had to write 2 students up. One refused to move to the new seat assigned to her. She walked out of the room after I told her that if she walked out that she'd get a referral. The other student moved as I asked, but when I told him to get out his work and work on it, he told me to shut up - twice. I sent him directly to his assistant principal. I will not have a child talk to me that way.

Lunch - thankfully was calming. I got to vent and that helped some. I really wished that Donna was in the room at that time, I really would have liked to have her input on the situation, but she wasn't there.

4th and 5th period were okay, but Donna looked like she was ready to just give up on everything so I took over. Sighs. We are just tired of the kids. I know that much for sure. We need a break... a long, alcoholic break.

6th period: Again, I had an issue with the kids. They didn't want to do their work. They just mainly wanted to talk (even after I complimented them on acting relatively OK for the substitutes that they had Monday and Tuesday). So, I'll have a new seating chart for them tomorrow. I even assigned a student lunch detention with me. If he doesn't show tomorrow, I'll be telling him he has one more day before a referral will be written.

7th period: I had another student to write up. LOVELY. He's not even my student, but he asked to go get a book from the bookroom, I called out to him to stop that it wasn't opened and he left. The substitute told me that he came back into the room and told him that he had to get his planner because they wanted to see it. He left again and then didn't come back at all. When he didn't come back to class he was truant. TRUANT!! AUGH.

So, that's my day in a nutshell. Well, I mean, only to come home, grade papers and get more stuff done around the house and then work on audio.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy. What a day.

I'm just glad that I can jot it down here and get it out of my system so that I don't have to just rant and rave to someone and feel bad about dumping my issues on them. HOWEVER, if they want to read about my day and comment on it... that's their business... right? Right.

And... now after typing all of this and dealing with the grading of papers, my fingers (pinkie and ring finger) in my left hand are going numb. Great. Just peachy. It's not a good thing when that happens. It means that my not cubital tunnel syndrome is acting up. This means that I'm going to have to start wearing that brace again. Yay. (Yes, that was sarcastic.)

Tomorrow is a day of "fun" and math. It's going to be interesting to see how that all works out. I'll explain that later.

I must work on some audio... then thankfully bed.

~MJ

Monday / Tuesday Nov. 3 and 4th

Monday post:
Today, I played hookie from school (well, the principal knew what I was doing). Matt, Joy (his mom) and I went to the school to be with Meghan. You see, the Burnet High School band made state rankings and they wanted to see where they actually ranked. We traveled with the band (in charter buses) to San Antonio to the Alamodome.

Throughout the day, twenty school bands played to see who would continue on to the top seven later in the evening. Just as an FYI, Burnet had made it to state before, but they have never ranked in the top seven. They played at 3:45 and they were awesome (as usual). After they played we watched a few other bands who actually were a bit better than Burnet. I hate to say that, but I will give kudos where kudos are due.

Burnet did end up playing again. They were one of the top seven!!! By eight o'clock though, I was getting a headache and had nothing to take. However, they didn't make the top three bands. *frowns* But they placed seventh out of eight hundred bands in the state of Texas. We left San Antonio around 10:30ish. We got into the charter buses and on the way home, they decided to play the movie "Sweeney Todd." It's not a good movie to play when one is tired and just wants to sleep and try to get rid of a headache.

Tuesday Nov. 4:

We got home at 1:30 AM. By the time we got home, it was 1:45. I went directly to the pantry, got medicine (high powered) and took it then went to bed.

I woke this morning with a migraine. I'm starting to hate these things. I called in for a substitute today at 6:00 in the morning and made sure that the kids were up and about before I moved back to bed and slept the majority of the day.

Around 9:45, I did wake, dress and vote on our elections. I don't know where the world is going to, but I just hope that we, as a nation, can come to grips with what we do and who we elect into office. I just pray that we are all ready for whatever the outcome will be.

I talked with a few friends this afternoon that were online and they kept me company for a little bit, but finally told me to rest. So, I did. And I dreamed. I dreamed of someone holding me close as I slept, keeping me safe from whatever evil was about and who loved me. He kissed my head and held me ever so close, caressing my face as I slept. He watched over me... and I was content.

My head though is better. Still achy, but if I sleep much more today I'll have an issue with sleeping tonight. I will just keep my thoughts on being kept safe, warm and secure.

Until tomorrow...

MJ

Sunday Nov. 2

I know that I normally don't do a lot of blogging, but I'm going to do my best to utilize this to the best of my ability. So... keeping that in mind, I'm just going to see what I can do to keep a small little diary here for myself - at least of some kind.

Although I have been in various churches growing up (Presbyterian, Methodist and Baptist) I found that I most enjoyed going to a Baptist church. A few issues have come to pass at the Baptist church that we attend. It seems that a few of the elders think that children should be seen and not heard, and unfortunately, that's not a help when you have three children in your family who are vocal.

Other issues that came up with our church was through the musical vision of the choir director and myself. I thoroughly enjoy music and I love to sing. I had joined the choir and the director asked me if I would like to sing in the service in a couple of weeks. So, excitedly, I said yes that I would. It so happened that I was sick one weekend and the next weekend, my family came in and we weren't able to go to church because they came in on Sunday morning. Needless to say, I got a phone call from the director of the choir that afternoon. He told me that although he really appreciated my voice within the choir, that he would not need my service for the next weekend. He went ahead and informed me that only the faithful of service would need to perform for the parish. It took me awhile to get over that, but I did, but I have not been in the choir now for awhile, and that really bothers me, because I do love to sing. :(

So... this weekend, we decided to try a new church. We tried the Church of Christ. It was decent enough.

I went to the golf course this afternoon. It was the 2nd time in my life that I've acutally been on a gold course. It was okay though. By the end of the 18th hole, I was pretty lit up though. From the first time that I went - I didn't think that I'd like it, but being able to drink and just chilling... it was okay. I did get a little sunburned though. That may not be a good thing though. I don't like being sunburned. I tend to just burn and not tan. :( Sucks.

Now, it's about 8 o'clock. We finished cutting up a deer and have enough meat now for awhile. It's really good meat too. I actually had a piece straight from the bone - tartar. :) Very nice meat though. Very very good. I can't wait to have some chicken fried steak with it. It's absolutely awesome as fried steak. Yumola.

I do think that I'm going to try to get a little bit of mixing done this evening. I don't know if I'll actually get any done or not. With my mother in town, spending the night, I don't think that I may be able to do so. She's on her way down to my great aunt's funeral on Tuesday in Rio Hondo.

Aunt Trudie - 102 years old. Wow. I know that she said that she wanted to be home two years ago, but I know that she's happy being home now. I know that there's a big family reunion going on and that I'm missing out on it. *grins* I just pray that her family will be okay with having her within their lives for so long.

Time I think to leave for tonight. I know that I may need to go ahead and get some stuff done. I must go ahead and get a substitute for tomorrow. Meghan's band (Burnet High School Band) is going to state competition and I know that that they are going to do good. :) I can't wait to see how they do.

~MJ~